Sibling sexual abuse can have profound and lasting effects on family dynamics, even years after the abuse has ended. This is the conclusion of a study by researchers Sheila van Berkel, Iva Bicanic, and Anja van der Voort, who brought survivors together to share their experiences. “Parents often denied or downplayed the abuse.”

The work is published in the journal Child Abuse & Neglect,

Unlike abuse between (grand)parents and children, sibling sexual abuse remains a relatively understudied phenomenon. However, Sheila van Berkel, who researches the topic, notes that this is beginning to change.

“One reason for the lack of attention is that sibling sexual abuse can be harder to recognize,” she explains. “When sexual behavior occurs between an adult and a child, it’s clear: this is wrong. But when it happens between minors, it becomes murkier.”

Sexual curiosity, she points out, is a natural part of development, making it difficult to distinguish normal exploration from abuse. Additionally, assigning responsibility can be more complex.

“With an adult and a child, the adult is unequivocally at fault. But between two children, this is less clear—for parents, professionals, and sometimes even the victims themselves. Survivors may question: ‘Was I to blame? Didn’t I go along with it?”‘

This confusion is often compounded by the reactions of those around the victim. Many survivors told Van Berkel and her colleagues that their parents denied or minimized the abuse. Through online focus groups, survivors who had been abused by a sibling shared their experiences with therapy.

“We chose group interviews because they allow participants to support and build on each other’s experiences,” Van Berkel explains. While many survivors found the process challenging, it was also validating.

“For many, it was the first time they’d spoken to someone else who had experienced sibling sexual abuse. They found comfort in recognizing their own stories in others’ accounts.”

Tangled family relationships

A recurring theme in the study was the complex emotions survivors felt toward their families. Some participants had never disclosed the abuse to their parents, carrying the secret alone and feeling isolated as a result. For those who did disclose, family relationships often became strained.

“Many survivors reported that their families were unsupportive or didn’t believe the abuse had occurred,” Van Berkel says. Even when parents initially reacted with compassion, they often prioritized restoring a sense of normalcy.

“Over time, parents might shift focus to family togetherness—wanting, for example, to celebrate Christmas as a united group.”

This desire to return to “normal” is common, according to Van Berkel. “It’s incredibly difficult for parents to process the fact that one child has harmed another, because they love them both equally. How do you navigate that?” she asks.

In many cases, parents focus on moving forward, which can leave survivors feeling unheard. “For the perpetrator, it’s often easier to move on. Parents might say, “We addressed it, we supported you, can’t we move past this? Your brother isn’t making a fuss about celebrating Christmas together.”‘

Whereas, Van Berkel stresses, spending holidays together is no longer realistic in some cases. “Parents need to take the victim’s emotions seriously, not deny them. What you want as a parent is then irrelevant for a while. You can share that disappointment with your partner or friends, but not put it on your child’s plate. And so then you celebrate Christmas with your one child one day and your other child the next, for example.”

everyday triggers

The researchers also asked survivors about their experiences with therapy, highlighting gaps in current approaches.

“We wanted to understand what survivors found helpful and what didn’t work,” Van Berkel says. Many participants noted that therapists often failed to explicitly ask about sibling sexual abuse.

“Because of the shame surrounding the abuse, the potential harm to family dynamics, and survivors’ own uncertainty about whether it ‘counts’ as abuse, it’s crucial for therapists to ask directly: ‘Has anything troubling ever happened within or outside your family? “‘

For survivors, acknowledging their trauma is essential. “They told us their abuse permeates daily life, and can be triggered by a smell, a song, or a sound. Having a space to talk about it can make a significant difference.”

Van Berkel cautions therapists against demonizing the sibling who committed the abuse. “This perspective doesn’t align with how some survivors view their sibling,” she explains.

One participant described their sibling as two different people: “I had a brother by day and a brother by night. During the day, we’d laugh together; at night, I lay in bed terrified he might come in.”

Survivors can hold both truths simultaneously: their sibling’s behavior was deeply wrong, but their sibling is more than their harmful actions.